Misc.Survivalism quotes :)

There are some quotes from posts, .sig files and the
"You know you're politically incorrect if..."thread ( started by Carl A. Stiles ).
Also proud to present that gem from Papachuby- the y2k memo.

A special thanks to Carl A. Stiles and Oiled Lamp for making life on m.s a little lighter.

"Steve" <peach2@rocketmail.com>

To Do Is To Be-----Descartes
To Be Is To Do-----Voltaire
Do Be Do Be Do---Frank Sinatra (another Liberal attempting wisdom)

HGuderian-

"Some say the end is near
Some say we will see Armageddon soon
Certainly hope we will
I sure could use a vacation from this silly shit." -  Tool

Tom E -

Please don't tell Mom I'm a survivalist.
She still thinks I play piano in a whorehouse.

...."We're not surrounded, sir.  We're in a target-rich
environment..."

..."No, sir, I didn't crash that bird; I simply landed without the
customary forward thrust and lift..."

"Engineering is the art of doing for $1.00 what any bungler can do for
$2.00." - a railroad engineer

Do not underestimate your abilities.  That is your boss's job.
It is your job to find ways around your boss's roadblocks.

You may consider yourself Politically Incorrect if...........

1. Your new girlfriend comes over for the first time and
when she walks into the living room, the first thing that
she sees is your CHL regulation Man sized target with 50
holes in the chest area.

2.Your dog has more Emergency Rations than 95% of the U.S.
population.

3.Your the first person at the gun range on Dec 26th to
check out your new toys. ( and they know you there by your first name)

4. The local supermarket manager knows to go ahead and open
up the back dock doors when he sees you on a shopping trip.

5. Your home furnishings include contemporary "art deco"
coffee and end tables by Ozarka, Sparklets and Rain Fresh .

6. Your home and property are more secure and better lit
than Fort Knox or Area 51.

7. All the local restaurants know to save you all their 5
gallon buckets on Mondays and Thursdays.

8. None of your vehicles have electronic ignition or
pollution control.

9.You know exactly what the term Y2K stands for and you also
know exactly how many days are left until Dec 31, 1999.

10. The neighborhood association makes an appointment before
dropping off the monthly newsletter.

11.You know the tail numbers of all the Helicopters in your
area.

12.Your local city government hold an election in which only
14% of the population shows up, and your surprised that the
turnout is so good.

13.The magazines on your art deco coffee table include
American Survival Guide, Guns and Ammo, Soldier of Fortune,
American Rifleman, Shotgun News and 4 -Wheeler.

14. The books on your end tables include Brigade
Quartermasters , Majors Surplus, Paladin Press, CBR
decontamination and TEOTWAWKI.

15. You welcome a "mild" El Nino storm because you know its
going to fill you cistern.

16.The power fails in your local movie theater and you pull
your mini mag from your belt and show yourself the way out.

17. You use your Gerber Tool to cut your steak at a fine
dining establishment.

18.You ask every cashier that you run into if their computer
systems are year 2000 compliant just to see their blank and
confused expressions.

19. Your knife collection has its own footlocker.

20.When people ask about all those colorful maps on your
walls, you tell them that you are planning a "Fishing
Expedition".

21.You have the need to rent a Backhoe for a week WITHOUT
the driver , but with a post hole digger attachment.

22.You can recognize the sound of a Generator from 4 blocks
away, but you also know the brand, horsepower and the
kilowatts per hour that it is putting out.

23.You have to kill a snake in your front yard, but them you
skin it and eat it.

24. You open your freezer to stock some deer meat, but you
have to remove all the batteries first.

25.You stock up on Kerosene and Firewood in 102 degree
summer heat.

26.Your "homeschooled" children score in the 99 percentile
on their SAT's.

29.Your shopping list includes numbered items like .22, .308.

30.Your shopping list includes body armor.

31.Your scanner includes the frequencies of every law enforcement
agency within 100 miles, including the ones that don't officially exist.

32.Those maps on your wall have every bridge marked in red, with
an alternate path marked around it. ( Wyle E. Coyote )

33.If the paper boy throws the paper into the barbwire for the heck of it.

34.If you have ever asked your mother for two pieces of ID to make shure she was
not a fed.

35.If you reffer to ASG as "that liberial rag".

36.If you have a keybob that says "What Would John Wayne Do?"( Oframe 45 )

38.The shutters on your windows are 1/2" plate steel.

39.The shutters have firing ports included in the design.

40.You don't know anybody who voted for Clinton.

41.You refuse to place the word "person" after spokes, chair, fire,
congress, etc, and instead still use man. (Tom E. )

43.If you're on a first name basis with every vendor at a  gun show...

44. If you believe that character counts...(HGuderian)

Incoming fire has the right of way. - Purple heart recipient.

If your attack is going really well, you've walked into an ambush. -- Hannibal

"The hottest places in Hell are reserved for those who, in time
of moral crisis, maintain their neutrality.

Remember children - Once you pull the pin,
Mr. Grenade is no longer your friend. -B. Merkley

Those who cherish freedom do not need to flame
those who don't; We can though, through our questions
and logic, help them to self-immolate. -Chris Bolton

To quote George Patton, "Fixed fortifications are a monument to the stupidity of mankind."
 

"It's not so much the Apocalypse, it's the humidity" --- MST3K

"I used to think it was awful that life was so unfair, then I thought,
'Wouldn't it be much worse if life were fair and all the terrible
things that happen to us come because we actually deserve them?' So,
now, I take great comfort in the general hostility and unfairness
of the universe." Marcus - A Late Delivery from Avalon - B5

"An armed society is a polite society."  Heinlein, from ""Beyond this Horizon""
 

Better to learn by someone elses mistakes, you won't live long enough to make them all yourself.
 

Just another extreme right-wing leftist extremist
 

"There's a Time and a Place for everything...and this is neither!" - Robin Reyburn
 

When discussing the shelf life of Twinkies, the limiting factor is the life of the shelf.
 

The border between reality and fantasy is not fixed.
It just marks the last place rival gangs of shamans
fought each other to a standstill

Two fish in a tank: one says to the other, you know how to drive this thing??

Fish runs into a cement wall what does he say? Dam.

What do you call a fish without an eye? Fsh.

Get off a shot FAST, this upsets him long enough to let you make your
second shot perfect.    - Robert A Heinlein.

The ebb and flow of the Atlantic tides,
The drift of the continents,
The very position of the sun along its ecliptic,
These are just a few of the things that I control in my world.-GI Jane ( the movie )

We are half asleep waiting on the doorstep of the 21st century
Take a look at the ones who lead this nation
They are the champions of mediocrity - Rumors of the Big Wave

Save the whales, collect the whole set.

Its awful being drunk - Just ask a glass of water!!

"Curious, but in no way indecipherable" -- The Fearless Vampire Killers

"There's a fine line between eccentrics and geniuses.
If you're a little ahead of your time, you're an eccentric,
and if you're a little to late, you're a failure,
but if you hit it right on the head, you're a genius.
So I have never worried much about eccentricity."       Tom Watson Jr., IBM

Capitalism will always persist because socialism is there to save it.

When asked if he was scared by his encounter with the bear,
the mountain man replied, "Nope, but the two guys I passed up sure were."

"Tolerance is the virtue of those with no convictions of their own"

"National borders aren't even speed bumps on the information
superhighway."

>From a dove's point of view, a dove hunt is nothing more than a
drive-by shooting. - Says anti-gunner to Bang regarding banning shotguns
 

"...a pistol is a nice thing to have when you can't carry a gun."
  - Chuck Marsh

"Guns don't kill people. Janet Reno and the BATF kill people."
 

"Tax and tax, spend and spend, elect and elect."
After 65 years, it's still working. - Robert Sturgeon

"If anyone disagrees with anything I say, I am quite prepared
not only to retract it, but also to deny under oath that I
ever said it." --T. Lehrer

"Extremism in defense of liberty is no vice, and moderation in pursuit
of justice is no virtue."

He who lives in a glass house should not invite he who is without sin.

He who lives in glass house should not dance naked on the piano in the
living room.

Only after the last tree has been cut down,
Only after the last river has been poisoned,
Only after the last fish has been caught,
Only then will you find that money can not be eaten.
             -- Cree Indian Prophecy

"No one escapes when freedom fails.  The best men rot in filthy jails,
and those who cried, 'Appease, appease!' are hanged by those they tried
to please."

Lord, grant me the serenity to accept that I cannot change, the
courage to change what I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies
of those I had to kill because they pissed me off. - Random

Prosperity and ruin issue from the power of the tongue.
Therefore, guard yourself against thoughtless speech.

What happens if a big asteroid hits the Earth? Judging from
realistic simulations involving a sledge hammer and a common
laboratory frog, we can assume it will be pretty bad. - Dave Barry

Those consigned to hell torment each other. - Aquinas
 

"Remember, brethren, that no man's opinion is worth a straw" - Brigham Young
 

If you fortify your rear the enemy will attack you from the front.

If the enemy is in range, so are you.

If you were dirt upon a road, in sultry summer weather,
I'd be a cloud and rain on you, and we'd make mud together.

If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.

A diagnostic is someone who doesn't know whether there are two gods.

"Where is your code?  It fills eternity."
--Brigham Young (JD 14:280), prophetically describing software
development at the company I work for....  - Brian Madsen

"Push to test."
  <click>
"Release to detonate."

"There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX.
We don't believe this to be a coincidence." - Jeremy S. Anderson

Some of life's most exciting moments are spent near the middle of the
food chain rather than on the top.  -- Anthropologist Richard Nelson

The Earth doesn't revolve around Rush Limbaugh, although he's big
enough.

Frisbeetarianism, n.: The belief that when you die, your soul goes up on
the roof and gets stuck.

On the outskirts of every agony sits some observant fellow who points.
 -Virginia Woolf

"The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe
is that it has never tried to contact us."

"Ideas are more dangerous than guns. We wouldn't let our enemies have
guns, why should we let them have ideas?"      -- Stalin

"I'm here to kick ass and chew bubblegum, and I'm all out of bubblegum."
-They Live

Free people possess arms. Slaves and prisoners do not.

Anything is good and useful if it's made of chocolate.

Of all serious crimes under the law, smuggling...
least violates the consciences of men. It is a crime
against law and against government, but not against
morality. The smuggler robs no man. He buys goods
honestly in one market and sells them honestly in
another. His offense is against an arbitrary regulation
of government.... he simply fails to pay its demands.
Many men otherwise honest are unable to see any moral
turpitude in smuggling. ...government, in exacting toll,
plays the part of the highwayman.

                      --  The Oregonian, Jan. 21, 1886

"But then, to what end," said Candide, "was the world formed?"
"To drive us mad," said Martin.
 

"MY CARD, SIR - I AM SOMEWHAT OF A BULLSHITTER MYSELF BUT OCCASIONALLY
 I LIKE TO LISTEN TO A PROFESSIONAL - PLEASE CARRY ON."
-Ponderosa Sports

Acting is merely the art of stopping a large number of people from
coughing.  -- Sir Ralph Richardson

"Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors
--and miss." ---- Robert Heinlein
 

Spectators don't win.

Helping others is helping yourself.

"Moderation in temper is always a virtue, but moderation in principle is
always a vice." Thomas Paine

I tell ye true, liberty is the best of all things; never live beneath
the noose of a servile halter.²
              - William Wallace, Address to the Scots, circa 1300

"Give me control over a nation's currency and I care not who makes its
laws" - Baron M.A. Rothschild (1744 - 1812)
 

"Si hoc legere scis nimium eruditionis habes."
(If you can read this, you're overeducated.)

"The fact that an opinion has been widely held is no evidence whatever
that it is not entirely absurd, indeed, in view of the silliness of the
majority of mankind, a widespread belief is more likely to be foolish
than sensible." -- Bertrand Russell

"Well-behaved women rarely make history." -- Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

"Tattooed opinionated soapmaking amazon women RULE!!!" -- Lisa Kuney

"I love a dog. He does nothing for political reasons." -Will Rogers

When we get to the point we try to use the law to oppose the law, it
would seem laws are contradictory. When the laws are contradictory, it
would seem there is opportunity for selective enforcement. Where there
is selective enforcement the people are confused... but only for a
little while. They soon make the rational leap and have no respect for
law whatever. -- Chuck Marsh

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

I'm not insulting barbarians. Some of my favorite ancestors
were barbarians. I'm mocking your
ignorance. --  James Nicoll
 

"However many ways there may be of being alive, it is certain that there
are vastly more ways of being dead." - Richard Dawkins, "The Blind
Watchmaker"

18 Kids Book titles you'll never see at Barnes&Noble

1.   You Are Different and That's Bad
2.   The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
3.   Fun Four-letter Words to Know and Share
4.   Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book
5.   The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking
6.   Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
7.   All Cats Go to Hell
8.   That's it, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption
9.   The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
10. Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia
11. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
12. Strangers Have the Best Candy
13. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
14. Pop! Goes the Hamster ... and Other Great Microwave Games
15. The Man in the Moon is Actually Satan
16. Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
17. Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet be Friends?
18. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry

This memo is to announce the development of a new software system.
 

We are currently building a data center that will contain all firm data that is Year 2000 compliant.
The program is referred to as the "MillenniumYear Application Software System" (M.Y.A.S.S.).

Next Monday at 9:00, there will be a meeting in which I will show  MYASS to everyone.
We will continue to hold demonstrations throughout the month so that all employees will have
an opportunity to get a good look at MYASS.

As for the status of the implementation of the program, I have not addressed the networking
aspects so currently only one person at a time can use MYASS.
This restriction will be removed after MYASS expands.
Several people are using the program already, and have come to depend on it.
Just this morning I walked into a subordinate's office and was
not surprised to find that he had his nose buried in MYASS.
I've noticed that some of the less technical personnel are somewhat afraid of MYASS.
 

Just last week, when asked to enter some information into the program,
I had a secretary say "I'm little nervous, I've never put anything into MYASS before."
I volunteered to help her through her first time and when we were through,
she admitted that it was relatively painless and that she was actually looking forward
to doing it again.
She went so far as to say that after using SAP and Oracle, she was ready to kiss MYASS.
 

I know there are concerns over the virus found in MYASS upon initial
installation, but I am pleased to say the virus has been eliminated, and
we were able to save MYASS.  In the future, however, protection will be
required prior to entering MYASS. We planned this database to encompass
all information associated with the business.  So as you begin using the
program, feel free to put anything you want into MYASS.
 

As MYASS grows larger, we envision time when it will be commonplace
to walk by an office and see a manager hand a paper to an employee and
say "Here, stick this in MYASS." This program has already demonstrated great
benefit to the company.
In a recent audit, an employee was asked where he had secured the numbers on a report.

He proudly exclaimed "I just pulled them out of MYASS."